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NFL Decrees Birds Win Bowl
By Jim Beach
phillypage2 columnist (10-2002)
A startling revelation has leaked from the NFL offices; the Eagles must win the Super Bowl. Veteran observers of the league are shocked and the media is skeptical of the validity of the story. I, however, have secretly confirmed this story. I placed video and audio devices in the official’s locker rooms at The Vet and the University of Illinois. These referees had no idea they were being recorded but, when I confronted them with the evidence, they couldn’t deny the league gave them the directive to make sure the Eagles win. And you are wondering what evidence some idiot like me may have? Well, I have the same evidence as idiots like you. I watched the last two games involving the Birds and saw this disturbing trend-if Philly is in trouble the officials do what they can to help them out.

The facts: Monday night versus the Giants. The officials confided that the Giants were not exactly a team they thought the Iggles would need their help with. But, there they were giving the home team a few feet here a few yards there. Especially damning was the gratuitous 4 feet given Antonio Freeman on third and four from the six. For those too intoxicated to recall or those rendered too stupid from looking through green colored glasses, it was the touchdown drive that was aided when Tony was stopped at the ten and the ball was magically placed past the eleven and the first down marker. They should have been punting from their endzone instead of driving for the game sealing score. Exhibit B shows the first down grab by Ron Dixon that was stupidly challenged by Fatman Reid. Guess the ref was thinking of his bosses message when he inexplicably found more than enough reason to overturn the painfully obvious correct call made by a since reprimanded back judge. Once again for the perpetually inebriated or just plain dumb, it was the worst overturn in the history of instant replay.

Moving on to the crew working in dreary Illinois Sunday, we find more examples of this “theory”. Anyone see any fouls on half the hundreds of flags thrown at the Bears? This educated observer found a few to be laughable. At least they would have been laughable had I not had a C-note on da Bears plus the six and the hook. A few of those pass interferences seemed to be personally requested by D-Mac so he didn’t look like he was the same QB from high school in front of the same people who used to watch him back then. How about Urlacher being raped allowing their only foray into the endzone? Seems the second best linebacker in football would have stood at least a chance of stopping that play.

These are not the only instances of the Eagles getting calls this season in general and the last two games in particular. Just the most glaring instances of the NFL’s desire to see the Eagles win.

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