Take it up the Street
By Tony Romeo
phillypage2 columnist (9-1-2003)
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Sean and the Birdman. Was anybody NOT tired of these guys four years ago? They are an act that should of lasted about 5 seconds, instead the media has turned them into a cottage industry. Why all the pub for these mo-mo’s? Sean is a fan extraordinare… why again? Oh yea, because he paints his face, wears shoulder pads, and screams from his season ticket in the stands? (And the squawking birdman, rumor has it, doesn’t even HAVE a season ticket.) Gimmie a break. I actually went to the WIP tent, first time in my life, and got a picture of Sean carrying the MOST FUGAZI homemade Superbowl trophy I ever saw, screaming his head off like a jackass…I will treasure it forever. Look at these “crazy eagles fans” I had to see on the news 100 times last week. They are not crazy, they are nothing but mummers with attitude…Strut it somewhere else SuperPhools!
The Song. GOTTA GO. And believe me, I loved it, and sang it with pride on countless occasions. But let’s face the facts, the time period at the vet was like a 30 year war that we did not win. Every war needs a fight song, but once the war is lost, it’s time to lose the song as well. Don’t believe me? Go sing a Vietnam War fight song to some Vietnam Vet that had half his arm blown off, see if he sings along, or see if he stumps you right in your stupid mouth! Fly Eagles Fly on the Road to Victory? What Victory would that be? We never won. We are still on the DAMN ROAD!!! In fact, our new song should be “On the Road Again…” cause the ROAD to victory is as close to victory as we get!
The Spelling. (E-A-G-L-E-S…Eagles) That’s gotta go too. Can’t take away the song, and leave the spelling. They are too closely intertwined. When we win something, we’ll bring this much loved tradition back, but for now, let’s lend it to the Fightin’s, and make it the P-H-I-L-L-I-E-S Phillies! Cheer.
The Quarterback Contreversy that is brewing. I like AJ Feely, and I love Koy Detmer and I have serious questions about Donovan at times. Sometimes I even wonder if he is worth the $115 million we gave him. But the fact remains, he got it, and he is, and will be the Eagles QB. Controversy is futile. If Donovon is a question, Koy and AJ will not be the answer. Koy is a serviceable back-up, and AJ should be traded IMMEDIATELY to give him the shot he is not ever getting here. Let him be free to be the next Tom Brady, or the next Bobby Hoying, or something in the middle, for another team, sooner then later. We owe him at least that.
The Celebrity of Judge Shamus McCafferty. And no, I don’t mean having a judge. If the Eagles feel that it is necessary to have legal processing right at the game, so be it. But by making “Judge Shamus” the local equivalent of Judge Judy, posting his likeness everywhere, and inviting him to Wingbowl, and making HIM a story. All it does is create a greater spectacle for those that want to go to the games and act the fool. Wyatt Earp was a celebrity too, and before you knew it Tombstone, AZ was crawling with every bummer and droller in the ‘Ole West to give Wyatt a run for his money. Same with the “Untouchables.” As soon as they became celebrities, all people wanted to DO was TOUCH them. The Eagles should look instead to the Russian paradigm for keeping its peasants in line. The threat of Siberia! That is what “Eagles Court” should be. A cold, dark, dank, remote mystery that all the general population knows about it, is, you DO NOT want to go there. Instead the Eagles have a holding tank of drunken n’er-do-wells eager to share some sort of quasi-celebrity with Philly’s WapnerWannabe in their own production of the “Creeples Court.”
Inane Bathroom Humor. Most Likely this one will go down with the Vet, because the “Linc” will have greater bathroom capacity. But without fail, EVERY game I ever went to, I had to stand in a hot, sweaty, stinking line in those steaming bathrooms, only to arrive at a urinal more disgusting 20-45 minutes later. And also without fail, some retard from the back of the line will shout out the lamest joke I have ever heard, to encourage the line…
“If you shake it more then twice your playing with it!!!! Piss and Go! Piss and Go!”
I am not sure what gets on my nerves more, that I hear it every week, or that every week, at least one ninny in the line will chuckle in response. When I hear that chuckle, even if it’s a polite nervous chuckle just to be nice, it makes me feel like asking the person what is wrong with him. I think, this moron must have been born this very day, from the ass of a jackal, that he find any humor in ANY thing about this whole scenario. Piss and go, Jokesters of the John, Piss and go far away, no one cares, no one is amused….
Lastly, lets flush the biggest myth of all right down the crapper with this season and this stadium…the myth that …THE EAGLES CARE ABOUT YOU. The Eagles don’t give a Vet Rat’s ass about you! They are in a business to make money, and you are the vehicle that makes that happen. The players like when you cheer, but like Donovon says:
“We can’t worry about what the fans think.”-D. McNabb--
Everything they do, is to make that business better, and to make more money. Championships are a byproduct that we’d all enjoy, but the players and management do financially the same in a season like this, as they do had they gone all the way. So from the pocketbook it’s all the same to them. For years they have railed against tailgating because people getting there early and drinking all day makes for public intoxication, and that leads to an unsafe environment for drinkers and non-drinkers alike. They even STOP selling Beer in the 3rd quarter.
But for the Falcons playoff game at 8:00, gates opened at 2:00, and guess what was on sale for 5.75 a cup? (a quarter more then the regular season price by the way) BEER that’s what. That would be the equivalent of opening the Vet at 7:00 AM for a 1:00 start, and serving beer. So, they have no problem with the brew, as long as they are profiting 5 bucks and change for it.
And talk about an unsafe environment? We hear about the awful “concrete” the players play on. (on don’t play on in the case of the playoffs), but it’s not REALLY concrete, it’s padded, and so are the players. No, CONCRETE, is what I see people, drunk and sober, falling down on in stands, and on the ramps. And those people, minus of course Sean, are not wearing pads for the most part. Summer Winter, Fall, (no pun intended) I see at least a half dozen fall down my section in the 700 level. One week, a pipe burst and flooded the whole section of concourse, then froze over…so, sell me a hot dog for 4 bucks, a beer for six, hell I’ll even buy a big foam “We’re number 2” finger, but don’t sell me that the Eagles care about me, because I’m not buying…
So, enjoy your off-season Eagles fans, and like Andy Reid joked with me while waiting in the men’s room line one day…(In Andy Reid’s voice)
“The Time is Urine...(chuckle..hee-heee)”
Hey! That IS funny, I am gonna have to use that in the bathroom this year! I’ll see ya in line…